Don't know what's been going on . . .

Have been teary waaay too much here lately . . .

Missing everyone . . . 

Blue . . . 

Longing for . . .

MORE . . .

For HOME . . .

Not for just my earthly family, friends . . .

But for something more.

My heart has definitely not been on earth here lately. 

Don't feel at home here anymore.

Don't know if I've ever felt at home here.

Have always felt strange . . . a stranger . . .

Keep hearing Larry Norman and Keith Green . . .

"This earth is not my home.  I'm just passing through."

Beginning to wonder about my state of mind . . .

Finally found a little comfort . . .

Tripped over 2 Timothy 4: 8 . . .

"The prize awaits me - a crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will give me on the day of His return.  This prize is not just for me but for all who EAGERLY look forward to His appearing."

Now I feel convicted.

Just how much time do I eagerly look forward to His return?

Just how much time do I eagerly await His presence in my everyday life?

Not as much as I should . . .

Not as much as I would like . . .

We do make time for the things and people we truly love.

Then I trip over A. W. Tozer . . .

"I am praying that a jubilant pining and longing for God might come back on evangelical churches everywhere."

Jubilant . . . overjoyed, joyful, exuberant, thrilled, ecstatic, enraptured . . .

Pining . . . suffering a mental and physical decline because of a broken heart, waste away longing for, yearn deeply and painfully for something or someone . . .

Am I jubilant over His return?

Do I pine for His presence?

Do I know anyone who is jubilant and who is pining for Jesus?

Home IS where the heart is.

As believers, God should be our home.

His heart, His presence should be our home.

We should live in this place.

But . . . the world . . . Need I say more?

Nope, but I will.

I believe God longs, pines for us. 

I believe He longs for our presence. 

I believe He longs for us to think about Him and to spend time with Him.

I believe His heart hurts when we don't.

I believe He desires for us to be homesick every day.

I believe this homesickness wounds our heart and causes us to keep always moving upward and onward. It keeps us seeking and finding.

Ultimately, this homesickness changes us, transforms us.  

It causes this world to shrink in importance.

It encourages us to seek holiness instead of happiness.

Which leads to 1 John 3: 1-3 . . . 

"We are God's children,  but He has not yet shown us what we will be like when Christ appears.  But we do know that we will be like Him, for we will see Him as He really is, and all who have this EAGER expectation [who have this hope] will keep themselves pure, just as He is pure."

Romans 13: 11+ says that there is an urgency in the air, that time is running out.  I feel the urgency.  I'm 65 and have already had one near-death experience.  I am familiar with the "I'm almost out of time" mentality.  This passage adjures us to wake up.  Our salvation is nearer than ever before.  The night is almost gone.  Day is at hand.  We must arise and turn our eyes and heart toward Jesus.

This passage also tells us how we are to live in light of His coming.

• remove the dark, secret deeds as if they are dirty clothing
• put on the shiny armor of right living
• live decent lives for all to see because we belong to the Light (We are people of the Light not people of the lie.)
• avoid participating in the activities of the darkness
• dress in the presence of Christ Jesus
• don't think about ways to indulge our desires but deny ourselves and follow Him 

Romans 14: 17-18 says that the Kingdom of God is a matter of living a life of goodness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.  It further says that If we serve Christ with this attitude, WE WILL PLEASE GOD.  [Do justly, love mercy, walk humbly with God.]

As we do these things, the earth will become less and less valuable and heaven [God]will seem closer than ever.

John Wimber once said, "I want to grow up before I grow old."  Well, I'm old, and I'm trying to grow up.  I don't want to be an irresponsible, childish believer who is more concerned with being happy than with being holy, being all God desires and created me to be.

So today I pray a dangerous prayer, one that A. W. Tozer prayed a long time ago.

O God, wound me with a sense of my own sinfulness.

Wound me with compassion for the world.

Wound me with passion and love for You.

Wound me with the desire to keep pursuing all You have for me.

Wound me with the curiosity to be always exploring, seeking, and finding.

Wound me, O God.

Wound me.

 

Too often these days I catch myself wasting time. At my age, wasting time should never be an option. 

Our highest goal, the purpose of life, is to know Him and the power of His life and His love. Regretfully, too often I find myself fascinated by other things. I'm not talking about evil things, just normal things and activities and recreation. 

Yes, I do make time for devotionals and prayer almost daily, but I find myself too distracted by other things to live a DEVOTIONAL LIFE, a life totally set apart unto God - consciously BE-ing with God.

Our society today is so complex and in-your-face as to make a devotional life almost impossible. Sooooooooo many distractions. 

Soooooooo little solitude.  Even in a lifestyle that affords solitude (like mine), life and its little minions scream incessantly and loudly.

Being still is so difficult. Being in solitude, even moreso. 

Television and mobile phones and Facebook and other forms of social media crowd our already busy lives. Just the choices of television programming alone are mindboggling. 

We also live in a world that encourages and rewards an active lifestyle, a mindset of always having something special to do or going somewhere social or even making memories. We want it all - the doing, fixing, arranging, controlling. These activities  constantly drive our worlds and increase our debt. 

Add to that all of the ideas and opinions floating around out there in the airwaves. Sometimes, we just don't take the time to think for ourselves anymore. Everyone else's ideas are readily available for consumption which is so much easier than sitting down and thinking for ourselves which takes time and solitude. 

I need solitude and quietness more than ever before. These things cannot be bought. They have to be cultivated like a garden. They have to be nurtured and protected. This nurturing has to be learned while unlearning other things.

I want to live a DEVOTIONAL LIFE. I want my actions and my words to pour forth from this kind of life.

Paul in his letter to the Thessalonians said, "Make it your goal to live a quiet life." (1Thes 4:11) David quoted God, "Be still and know that I am God." (Psalm 46:10) 

We are CALLED to be God's people, not the world's. We are destined to know Him intimately.

Who I am is more important than anything I have done. How well I know God is more important than either of the above.

So today I'm asking some hard questions.

• Am I enjoying the privilege of be-ing? As Michael Bynum says, "We are called human BEINGs, not human doings."
• Am I becoming? Am I beginning to resemble my Father in all I do and say? Am I beginning to love and live the way He desires me to?

One day soon, my life will be over. Since that is inevitable, I cry out like Peter and say, "WHAT HOLY AND GODLY LIVES WE SHOULD LIVE looking forward to the day . . ." we meet God face to face. "While waiting for this to happen, make every effort to be found living peaceful lives that are pure and blameless in his sight." (1Pet 3: 11-14)

I do not want to have just a life filled with devotions; I want to life a DEVOTIONAL LIFE.

Father breathed into dust

Dust wriggled to life

Grace, Love birthed man

Life began

Father's grand plan

Father breathed into man

Dust quieted, slept

Grace, Love extracted a bone

Not good to be alone

Now two from one

These two couldn't see

Father's need for intimacy

Wanted more

Closed the door

The rift was born

Father's Hope for all mankind

Gave up heaven divine

Set aside royalty

Was born a mere baby

Destined for cruelty

Father's purpose for Hope's life

Salvation for all mankind

Love nailed to a tree

For you, for me

Heaven's security

Oh, how great the grace of God!

Earlier this month we believers and followers of Jesus Christ set aside time to reflect upon Jesus' birth, death, resurrection, and ascension to heaven to sit at the right hand of God.

During these days of reflection, Michael Bynum made a statement that captured my attention.  I cannot remember his exact words, but they were something like this:  The modern church today goes out of its way to ignore the ugliness and the truth of the cross of Christ.  [hope I got the gist of that correct]

The cross cost Christ everything he had and provided us everything we so desperately needed.  Therefore, why are we so afraid of presenting the cross as it really is?  

Paul said that if we should glory in anything, we should glory in the cross of Christ.

God forbid that I should glory in anything

but the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ. (Gal 6:14 NLT)

That cross was not meant to crucify only Jesus.  It was meant to crucify us as well.

Because of Jesus' cross, I have been crucified in relation to the world,

set free from its influence. [Gal 6:14 Message]

When we come to the cross and bow surrendering our lives to the Lordship of Christ,

we are made dead to the world and alive to Christ.  Our old self and nature dies, and a new self and nature is born, one with its eyes set on Christ and heaven, one that lives by the spirit of God.

If we truly believed this message, we would live different lives and cling to the old rugged cross of Christ.

How is this modern cross different than the ancient cross?

We're so intellectual today with so many modern philosophies about behavior and the consequences of such.  We approach sin pragmatically from each man's own  relative point of view with each man defining his own "issues" as character flaws instead of sin. 

Tozer says that the modern cross "makes no unpleasant demands; it offers the same thing the world does, only on a higher level."  Instead of slaying the sinner, "it redirects him."  This idea totally misses the meaning behind the cross of Christ.

The ancient cross was a symbol of death.  It was a horribly violent end to a human life.  Being crucified was humiliating and shameful for the one being crucified had been found guilty of punishment.  It was capital punishment.  The man who carried his cross down the road was NOT coming back.  His life was NOT going to be redirected.  He did not have the pleasure of a second chance.  His life was to END.  The cross's cruel intentions were horrible, and when its work was done, only a corpse remained.

All of mankind is under a death sentence because of the choices made by our ancestors Adam and Eve.  However, Jesus' death of the cross made a way that we could be forgiven our sins and have a new life.  When we come to the cross and accept his forgiveness and Lordship over our lives, we basically bring our old life to the foot of the cross and LEAVE IT THERE.  There we are resurrected into a new life, one lived in Christ Jesus.  We too must die and be resurrected.

As believers and followers of Jesus, we should be mindful of Jesus' cross and resurrection every day.  Every day is a new chance to die to sin and the world and say yes to God and the new life he's offered us. Every day is a opportunity to be thankful for the reconciliation and sanctification Jesus purchased for us on the cross.  Every day is an opportunity to walk in and shine with the joy, love, mercy, and grace provided to us from above.  We can be free from our old sinful nature and alive in Jesus.  So I cherish the old rugged cross today and will do so every day to come.  I don't want a new cross; give me the old one, the one Christ died upon.

The cross that ended the earthly life of Jesus

now puts an end to the sinner;

and the power that raised Christ from the dead

now raises himto a new life along with Christ.

- A.W. Tozer

On a hill far away stood an old rugged cross

The emblem of suffering and shame

And I love that old cross where the dearest and best

For a world of lost sinners was slain

O that old rugged cross so despised by the world

Has a wondrous attraction for me

For the dear Lamb of God left His glory above

To bear it to dark Calvary

In the old rugged cross stained with blood so divine

A wondrous BEAUTY I see

For 'twas on that old cross Jesus suffered and died

To pardon and sanctify me

To the old rugged cross I will ever be true

Its shame and reproach gladly bear

Then He'll call me some day to my home far away

Where His glory forever I'll share

~"The Old Rugged Cross" by George Bennard

"Mirror, Mirror on the wall . . ."

When you look into the mirror, what do you see . . . honestly?

I can speak only for myself, but most of the time I do not see anything positive. Physically, I see scar after scar after scar.  There aren't too many places on my body that are not scarred.  I also see rejection, loneliness, pain, fatigue, weariness . . . age/ worry/prayer lines crease my face.  Spiritually . . . honestly . . . I see failure, incompetence, confusion, etc. 

Most days, honestly, I just want to give up.  Life just keeps getting harder and harder.

Thank God, this is NOT what God sees.  What God sees is the only thing keeping me going.  

What do I see in His eyes?

Grace, grace, and more grace - extravagant, generous grace.

What is grace? 

The EMPOWERING presence of God which ENABLES me to be all He called me to be and to do all He destined me to do.

Grace is my clothing, my cocoon.

Every day, sometimes many times during the day, I have to -  no, I must discard what I see in the mirror and clothe myself in His grace. I CANNOT live without His grace.  I CANNOT live without His presence.  Without Him, I am doomed to be what I see in the mirror.

God loves lists, especially lists of names.  I do not - usually.  However, there is a list in Matthew 1 that I am fond of - Jesus' lineage. What I love in this list is the mention of a few women's names:  Tamar, Rahab, Ruth, and Bathsheba.

• Tamar was the daughter-in-law of Judah. Her first husband Er died because he was wicked. Judah told his son Onan to marry Tamar as the law required.  But Onan, who did have intercourse with Tamar, refused to impregnate her which God considered wicked. So, God took Onan's life too. Judah told Tamar to return to her parents' home, remain a widow, and wait for the youngest son to grow up. Judah, however, really did not intend to have the youngest marry Tamar.  Eventually, Judah's wife dies.  Tamar took matters into her own hands and removed her widow's attire replacing it with the clothes of a prostitute. Then she slept with her father-in-law and became pregnant.  When Judah discovered Tamar's pregnancy, he demanded she be killed.  However, his payment to her - his identification seal - vindicated her and caused him to repent.  
• Rahab was a prostitute in Jericho.  Realizing that her city would soon be conquered by the Israelites, she took a risk and protected Joshua's spies which saved her family.  After Jericho fell, her life was spared.  She later married Salmon, the great-great-great grandfather of King David.
• Ruth was a widow and the daughter-in-law of Naomi.  She left her homeland and traveled back to Bethlehem with her mother-in-law whom she loved.  There they lived in poverty until Naomi came up with a plan to provide for Ruth which involved marrying her kinsman, Boaz who was the great-great-grandfather of King David.
• We all know Bathsheba's story.  She was the mother of Solomon.

These women suffered poverty, rejection, humiliation, hopelessness, grief, and loneliness.  Plus, they were women and not Jewish.  (I'm not sure about Bathsheba's origin.)  Their stories labeled them.  When they looked in the mirror, I imagine they saw "widow . . . barren . . . foreigner . . . whore . . . homeless . . . adulterer . . ." among other things.

Society discounted them, yet God used them in the extraordinary lineage of Jesus.

God's grace was stronger than their past, than their mistakes, than their labels.   His grace gave them incredible strength and wisdom and endurance, and they faithfully used what He had given them and became an honored part of Jesus' history.

Each one of us has been gifted in this way.  None of us are untalented or worthless, and we are responsible for what we have been given (Matthew 25: 14-30).  

What do you see in your mirror?  What is your wallet?

Don't exchange your heavenly identity for the "labels."  Don't get stuck there.  We once were darkness, but now we are light in the Lord.  Dare to see yourself as God sees you, for He makes all things new.

The Law of the Kingdom

Every king and kingdom has its laws.  In order to be a productive citizen of a kingdom one must follow its laws.  Otherwise, he is considered an OUTlaw, not in sync with the king or his kingdom.

The older I am and the more I read and study scripture, the more I realize that King Jesus' law was simple: LOVE.  

Love the Lord, your God, with ALL your heart, soul, mind, and strength.

Love your neighbor as yourself.  [Matthew 22]

I am giving you a new commandment.

Just as I have loved you, you should love each other.

Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are My disciples. [John 13]

You are My friends if you do what I command.  [John 15]

I cannot think of anything I would rather be than a friend of Jesus, The One True King.  St. Theresa of Avila says,"Do with your life whatever will set you free to give the most love."  For the remainder of my years, that is what I want to do.  I want to love the loveable and the unlovely. 

Believe it or not, I've seen many believers who concentrated their love on those outside of their fellowship or their neighborhood.  They'll commit to everything but their fellowship: ministry, missions, seminars, etc.

We were made to exist in community.  We were not made to live in isolation.  Our fellowship, our little community, is to be like a healthy, loving family.  It is in such a  cosmos and in our own families (should we be fortunate to have godly families) that we learn how to really live and love so that we can really love those lost out in the world.

1Peter 3 gives instructions about the dynamics of a loving, believing community.

• a place where people share their hurts and find sympathy
• a place where people humbly express their needs and receive loving care
• a place where people forgive one another instead of plotting revenge
• a place where people pray for one another
• a place where people are careful not to say things that will unnecessarily hurt others
• a place where people are honest about who they really are
• a place where people seek to do good for one another
• a place where people try to live in peace by lovingly resolving conflicts with each other
• 
  

These are just a few of the ways we can love those within our own fellowship.  Whatever we do or don't do to each other is like doing it or not doing it to Jesus Himself. [Matthew 25] 

This kind of love isn't easy and is often painful because it requires something most of us are afraid to be - VULNERABLE.  Pride doesn't want others to know that we don't have it all together, that there are pockets of pride and hatred and jealousy in our lives, that we don't want to hang out with those who aren't in the "in crowd."  We are not called to like everyone, but we are called to love them.

So, I want to throw down my nets today and follow Him, follow Love Himself.

I leave you with a definition from St. Theresa:  "True spiritual love is to obey Him in everything and offend Him in nothing."

May that become every believer's motto.

Unfortunately, not all parents are worthy of tribute; however, mine are. 
My mom turned 85 this February. 
A few days before her birthday this year, I awakened with this thought on my mind:  Angels know her name.
When this happens to me, I usually write a poem or a song.  This time was no exception.
The following is my tribute to my mom on her 85th birthday.
The Psalms encourage us to rejoice in the "handiwork" of God.
In this tribute, I am rejoicing in His handiwork - my mom.  
If this tribute reminds you of your mom, rejoice along with me.

Angels Know Her Name

Angels know her name and rejoice in the handiwork of God.

Come . . .

     Read her story . . .

          You too will rejoice . . .

Eighty-something years ago,

   God, in secret, created something precious,

   chose her to be a special treasure.

Hidden in her mother's womb,

   He carefully knit together all her delicate parts

   into a beautiful little creature He called His own.

She was . . . is

   beautifully and wonderfully made,

   complex and marvelous in His sight . . . and in ours.

He knew her,

   and she knew Him.

Every moment of her life was written in His book.

How precious are His thoughts, His love for her.

Come . . .

      Read her story . . .

          You too will rejoice . . .

Daughter of proud parents . . .

Sister full of compassion and love and responsibility . . .

Wife, virtuous and capable,

   faithful companion through all of life,

   more valuable than any precious gem . . .

Mother whose children love and bless her

   and appreciate her example . . .

Grandmother, laughing and loving,

   proud and strong . . .

Funloving aunt and friend of many . . .

Friend of God who loves and fears her Redeemer King . . .

These are but a few of the names by which she is known.

Come . . .

     Read her story . . .

          You too will rejoice . . .

As she has fearlessly trusted in Him

   who crafted her tiniest eyelash,

   who listens to her every whisper,

   who wipes away her tears,

   who knows every  beat of her heart,

   who speaks peace to her every fear,

      she enriches the lives of everyone around her

      bringing them good and not harm.

Her strong, busy hands are quick to serve

   anyway, anywhere, anyone.

In all these faces, she sees the most important face of all -

   the face of God.

In all these places, she hears the most important heart -

   the heart of God.

It is He who has filled her heart with passion, love, compassion,

   purpose, and worship.

Her whole life is an act of worship to Him 

   who holds her heart in His hands.

She's not perfect

   and has had her share of disappointments and failures,

   but through them all her heart and eyes were His.

She is precious in His sight,

   His treasure . . . and ours,

   and He loves her with an everlasting love.

Come . . .

     Read her story . . .

          You too will rejoice . . .

One day, she will meet Him face to face

   and will finally know all as she has been known.

Until then, no eye has seen or heard

   everything else the Lord has for her.

We rejoice in her journey thus far and in her journeys to come.

May she go farther up and farther in, farther than ever before.

Angels know her name and rejoice in the handiwork of God.