Why do I run

from book to book,

concert to concert,

service to service,

conference to conference,

song to song

seeking spiritual treasure?

 

All this running to and fro,

this seeking,

simply wears me out

making me hungrier and thirstier.

 

Do I want to die of thirst

or succumb to hunger?

 

Why,

when there is beside me

in my own neighborhood

a fountain that never runs dry,

a banquet,

a feast

poured out by Your generous hands?

 

Where else do I need to look?

 

Your eternal, uncreated hand does everything for me.

 

Why seek bread in books or elsewhere

when Your hand will feed me?

 

Why seek cleansing and healing everywhere

when Your hand will cleanse and heal me?

 

Why seek someone else's fire

when Your hand gives fire to purify and refine me?

 

Why look for guidance wherever

when Your wisdom is enough to shape me

into something worthy to bear Your name

and to show Your glory?

 

You have everything I need.

 

You are everything I need.

 

You provide all I need.

 

All is in Your hands, Oh, God.



 

Let us not be enemies

but live as Father and child.

Let not my flesh be master

and my appetite for the world run wild.

 

Let my vision be focused

on holiness, righteousness, and truth.

Let my heart be centered,

mind visually fixed on You.

 

If I must have an addiction,

let me be wise and adamantly choose

a divine and holy elixir,

a heavenly liqueur

 

that makes me thirsty and giddy

and seek the wide world o'er

for something simple, untamed, alive

over which I have no control -

 

a mysterious wind, a holy Piper perhaps

whose distant music rouses my feet to life,

or a warrior King, eternal purpose at hand

whose sword and might and cry

 

announce freedom for all who will follow -

liberty, fair play, new life,

something worthy - "to die for,"

something enormous, larger than just me.

 

Oh, please let us live as Father and child.

Let us not be as enemies.

 

 

Oh, Love,

who hast made me what I am

and delights in what thou hast made,

thou changest not.

 

 

As the priests of old donned the names

of the blessed on their hearts and shoulders,

so I am engraved upon thy heart, hand, and might.

 

Love, mercy, and strength rest there.

So do I, Lord.

So do I.

 

Carry me tenderly there,

and let thy heart's passion encourage mine

so that my heart is impassioned with thine.

 

Let thy hands' mercy fill mine

so that my hands do the divine.

 

Let thy might strengthen me

that I might stand strong and courageous in thy love.

 

Without thy help,

all is lost.

 

My love will fade,

my strength will wane -

no mercy in my breast.

 

With holy cords bind me to thy heart, thy hand, thy strength.

Be thou my sustenance.

Be thou my all.

 

As there is no shadow of change in thy heart,

let no inkling of treason be found in mine.

 

Persist, mighty Lord.

Persist!

 

Please do not give up on me.

My love secured by thine . . .

or death.



 

 

'Tis a world filled with chaos and trouble,

rivers of tears,

fountains of hate.

 

We struggle to survive,

to smile,

to remember that this multitude of woes

only seems like a barrier of bronze remaining unopened.

 

The unmovable is but a momentary diversion

whose sole purpose is but to distract,

to disappoint,

to frustrate.

 

'Tis but the tempter's invitation to quit,

merely a dark cloud behind which a great light shines.

 

The light shines always

regardless of the cloud or the night.

 

Our task is to see the light,

to believe in its beneficence always,

to hear its gentle song in the night,

to know it has purpose for our lives,

to touch its tears and its strength,

to stand steadfast,

solid like an oak that bends in the roughest wind

but does not break.

Plans and Stuff

One of the most frustrating situations for worship leaders or anyone in any kind of ministry position to encounter is not knowing "what to do."  Sometimes, God gives explicit instructions.  At other times, His wishes seem vague.  Often, though, we are clueless.

When God's will seems vague or when there is "deafening silence," those in these ministry opportunities sometimes experience guilt and unfortunately begin to mentally beat up themselves because undoubtedly they "have done something wrong" or "have not adequately prepared."  Well, be encouraged.  All is not as it seems.

During the last of the plagues with which God afflicted the Egyptians, Pharaoh qualified the conditions under which he would allow the people of God to go - qualifications unacceptable to God and to Moses.  The Israelites could sacrifice right there in Egypt.  Nope!  Their sacrifice would be detestable to the Egyptians who would in turn stone them.  Well then, they could go if they didn't go too far.  Then, the men could go if they left the women and children behind.  Finally, they could go if they left their flocks and herds behind.  Moses responded by saying that they had to take all of their stuff with them for some of it was used in worshipping God . . .

and until we get there we will not know what we are to use to worship the Lord.

~Exodus 10:26

 

Outside of one's love for God and for His will being done, God's major requirements for any of His children have been and still are obedience and faith.  Obedience responds with readiness, availability, a willingness to be wherever and to do or not do whatever.  Faith responds with belief, with knowing that God knows and cares and is able to do whatever, with a certainty that He exists and desires to reward those who diligently seek Him, with a surety of His goodness and faithfulness and His desire to do good toward His people regardless of circumstances.

 

Sometimes we just have to show up - plan or no plan - realizing that God is more concerned with our heart than our plans.  In those times, we must stand in faith bringing along with us our "stuff" and our desire for advancing His kingdom.  Everything else is up to Him.

 

The scriptures are full of examples of men and women who after obediently showing up with their stuff were used to honor God.

• Abraham traveled up Mr. Moriah with Isaac and a plan, God's plan.  After he showed up and as he reached to slay his only son, God changed the plan and provided a different sacrifice for worship. 
• Joshua probably never thought that trumpet blasts and corporate shouts could be used to bring about the destruction of an enemy - Jericho.
• Consider David's slingshot,
• Moses' staff,
• the ark that Noah built,
• Joseph's ability to dream and interpret dreams,
• Rahab's willingness to be hospitable to strangers, to welcome spies into her home,
• Gideon's empty jars,
• Samson's strength,
• Jael's tent peg and hammer,
• loaves and fish.

All of these men and women showed up.  They and their stuff were available, and God used them and their stuff mightily.  Even Jesus used mud and spit.  He exhorted His disciples as He sent them out to do the kingdom work with the following instructions:

 

Do not worry about what to say or how to say it.

At that time, you will be given what to say,

for it will not be you speaking,

but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you.

~ Matthew 10: 19-20

 

None of our stuff is too small for God to use, and as Frances Schaeffer once said, "There are no little people." 

 

What set all of these people apart was their heart, their availability to God, and their readiness to do whatever with whatever they had brought along - plan or no plan.

 

So, when God gives a plan, rejoice but be ready for the plan to change at any moment as He so wills.  When God gives an inkling, rejoice and be available to do or not do as He so desires.  When there is silence, show up and wait denying the feelings of guilt unless they're merited and silencing the clamor within and without which desires to keep us from hearing God's next step. 

 

In reality, we aren't able to accomplish anything for God.  It's His Spirit that accomplishes whatever is accomplished through us.   So, remember to show up if God has told you to and to bring all your "stuff" with you because often you will not know what you are to use to worship the Lord until you get there.

 

God always has a plan whether we know it beforehand or not.  We can rest in that.  So, go rejoicing in His goodness and mercy, in His ability to do all things at any time and in any place, in His great love for us, and in His invitation to participate in furthering His kingdom. 

 

I know not all that may be coming,

but be it what it will,

I'll go to it laughing.

~ Stubb in Herman Melville's Moby Dick  

 

•   

Be a man!

 

Bear the shame of your sin,

your harlotry,

your unfaithfulness to the Word,

your outrageous apathy.

 

Do you truly not care?

Oh, you care?

 

Then show me -

no more lipservice

 or alien heart.

 

I will test you,

so pass my tests.

 

What do you really think of me?

Is it the truth?

Just exactly what are you doing in my temple?

Am I angry, pleased?

You tell me.

 

But I will tell you this:

your life is not your own,

says me.

Everything you have or are is a gift from my hands.

It is not for you to orchestrate your steps.

 

I am the true God,

the living God,

the eternal King.

Is there no reverence?

 

I am not your toy,

your playthingy.

This is not a game.

It is life or death.

 

Do you dare to question me?

You can certainly try,

but my plans are my plans and will not be thwarted,

and I will not give my glory to another.

 

The ways of the nations are not my ways,

and you would be wise to remember that.

 

We ask for a holy turnaround today.

 

Take yesterday's rejection, all the alienation.

Let today be a day of restoration, reconciliation.

Take yesterday's sickness, all the injuries.

Let today be a day of healing.

Take yesterday's disappointment, all the bad reports.

Let today be a day of hope, of good news.

Take yesterday's calamity, all the disaster.

Let today be a day of recovery, rejuvenation.

Take yesterday's failures, all the losses.

Let today be a holy second chance.

 

Redemption truly draweth nigh.

 

Take us higher.

Make us wiser -

deep, deep roots.

Make us great trees of righteousness,

strong in Your love.

About a month ago, someone asked me, "Why are you spending your time, energy, and money on this 'recovery thing'?  You don't have a substance abuse problem.  Couldn't you better use your talents and energy somewhere else?  Couldn't you better serve God or the community somewhere else, somewhere where there will be success?  You do know that an addict is always an addict?  Why waste your life?" 

Sometimes the people who ask these questions are Christians who feel that my participation on Sunday morning could better serve God.  Sometimes the people are other folks I'm connected to through some other venue.  Regardless, they just don't get it or me.  But that's okay because God gets me.

The short of it is that I am trying to love and to follow God with everything I am and have which again is not considered popular or successful by this world.  If I want to follow Him, I have to be a part of what He is doing in this earth.  

What is the God of the universe, the creator of all things, doing in the earth today?  What He has always been doing - HE IS ON A RECOVERY MISSION.  He is seeking to save, to RECOVER ALL that He lost. 

Through creation, God invited us into a "love" relationship with Him.

• We were uniquely created "in His image" with the capacity to love, to think and make decisions, to create, to be kind to and compassionate and cooperative with each other, etc.  None of His other creations can do this.  The angels marvel at our uniqueness.
• He did not "need" us, but He wanted something or someone to love Him and to appreciate His excellencies.  By the way, that's the definition of worship: to love Him and to appreciate who He really is and all that He has done.  The rest of creation cannot do this.
• So we, who were created to be worshippers, became rebels through the fall.  Because we now had a sin nature, our love and worship was no longer acceptable.  We now were lost to Him, separated by our transgressions. 
• Sometimes we get so focused on ourselves that we forget that God suffered loss too; He lost the entire creation and us because of one man's sin and ultimately gave up His one and only Son so that we could be reconciled to Him.  Since that day, God's mission has been a RECOVERY MISSION to regain what He lost.

God's first major attempt at recovery was to choose a people to be His own.  He desired to bless them so that they would be a blessing to the entire world.

• However, Israel ended up in slavery in Egypt, so He delivered them.  When Moses would ask Pharaoh to let God's people go, his reason was always that they could worship Him.
• After God delivered Israel, He made a way to restore them to the worshippers they were in the beginning - the Law.  The law was designed to take out what the world had put in them and make them a holy people unto Him alone.  A holy God could only receive worship from a holy people. 
• This didn't work either.  Israel remained rebels who would not love, trust, and obey Him. 

Only blood could make a way that we could be transformed from rebels into the worshippers we were designed to be in the beginning. 

• This time, not just any blood would do.  This blood would have to be holy blood, His own blood, the blood of His only son, Jesus. 
• Jesus said that He came to seek and to save that which was lost.
• Through Jesus' blood shed on Calvary, He opened a door through which we could be transformed from rebels to worshippers, where a "love" relationship between us and between Father God could be recovered, restored, once and for all.
• Through Jesus, we can enjoy that "love" relationship just like the bride and bridegroom in the Song of Solomon.  We can see and appreciate His excellencies and tell everyone about our "true love."  You know, when you fall in love with someone, you want to tell everyone about this one you love.  When we worship, that is what we do: we tell the one we love how wonderful He is, and we also tell others how wonderful He is.

One of the most beautiful stories in scripture to me is the story of the Prodigal Son.  I really think the story is named incorrectly.  Most of us look at the story from the perspective of the son who wandered far from home and of all that he lost.  However, I think the most important perspective to this story is to view it from the father's point of view.  He is a picture of Father God, THE GOOD FATHER.  (Luke 15)

In this story, we have a demanding son wanting his inheritance.  He leaves home and squanders what he was given finding himself penniless, friendless, and homeless in a far off pig pen.  Throughout this whole time, the good father waits and looks with compassion out over the horizon for his son, his "love" to come home. 

The son intends to repent, but the father's choice is to celebrate, for this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and now is found.  Not only does the father celebrate, he restores unto the son what the son lost.

• honor, authority - the best robe
• relationship, sonship - sandals, something not worn by slaves
• identity, purpose - ring
• inheritance - fattened calf for special occasions

That son will never be the same again. 

There are so many other "lost" stories - the lost sheep, lost coin, etc.  It's a motif that runs throughout the entire Bible.  Since day one, THE GOOD FATHER HAS BEEN ON A RECOVERY MISSION TO SEEK AND TO SAVE ALL THAT HE LOST.

This is why I do what I do.  I want to be a part of what God is doing.  I love planting seeds of  hope, seeds that I may never see harvested myself, seeds that are GOOD, GOD seed.  I love the realness of it all, the nitty gritty.  It keeps me real, keeps me tender.  I love watching them born like a nurse whose job is to be in the birthing room.  Some of them are birthed quickly; some of them are birthed only after long, difficult labor; unfortunately, some of them never make it.  I love watching them grow, watching their baby steps turn into big boy pants. Is it messy?  Yes.  Isn't anything worth eating messy?  By the way, God likes messy.  After all, His son was born in a manger, and if the cross wasn't messy, I don't know what is. 

I love this recovery thing.  It has made me a better person.  I love to see God's huge loving heart  poured out over all that He made.  He walks in their midst.  He speaks to and sings over them.  I count it a privilege to be allowed to be a part of this.  Thank you, Father.  Thank you, Michael Bynum.

I'm not a cynic anymore.  Those in recovery can have success in Jesus. 

So . . . I tip my hat this day to Seth, Barry, Jason K, Jason W, Garrett, Wes, Sam, Elmo, Hugh, John, Mark, Richard,  Leslie, Natalie, . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Seventy years, maybe eighty -

just a blink in eternity.

So little time left -

ten years, maybe twenty.

Could be less.

Could be more.

 

How do I spend the rest of my days?

Loving You,

enjoying all You have given -

creation, family, friends, health,

divine encounters, Your precious presence.

 

Don't want to miss any of it.

Don't want to take any of it for granted.

Want to appreciate all of it,

every drop.

Want to spend every moment mindful of You.

Want to die with a heart full of wisdom and worship.

Want to live that way too!

 

A song in my heart,

a smile on my lips,

open arms and eyes,

always looking up no matter how far down I am.

 

 

Awakened this morning feeling the weight of the world,

alone - forgotten and forsaken in the morning darkness

amidst spiritual clouds hanging so low

that no horizon could be seen,

no friendly ray of hope,

no precious word of friendship,

only this warning:

I alone am responsible for all that exists in my world -

I and no one else

 

My health, my recovery, my happiness or lack thereof,

the condition of my heart and the gratefulness/faithlessness therein -

all are my responsibility alone.

 

Adrift among this deluge of feelings,

I am quickened by Your word

to remember the truth, the facts, the eternal.

 

Feelings are fleeting,

 like clouds which obscure the horizon,

yet the horizon remains eternal,

fixed like the promises of God.

 

Amy* says, "We may not see the shining of the promises,

but still they shine."

 

Oh, how they do shine this moment.

Right now, this is no dream.

You are.

You are good.

You are God.

You rule over everything and everyone, everywhere.

You love me and have called me,

and I cannot forget - You will NOT let me - forget this.

 

Again today, You speak, as only You can,

precious, unfathomable thoughts that amaze and humble me,

reminding me of who I am and am not and

of who You are.

Yes, O yes, you are.

 

 

 

* Amy Carmichael