[Sometimes you wake up in the morning

to the sound of a knock on your heart's door.

The visitor is not always welcome.

Happened to me last week.]

Doubt crept in.

"God is good, BUT - - -

Is He good to ME?"

Others get what I desire.

Feel overlooked,

forgotten,

not important enough,

easy to dismiss or ignore,

alone in the midst of this wild, painful place.

"How can I sing Your praise in a heathen land?"

Hate to confess these things.

Feel awful for feeling this way - - - guilty, bad.

KNOW I am blessed and loved

but don't FEEL that way today.

Light suddenly shoved His way through the doorway, the darkness.

Rushed in like a WWE wrestler clearing the ring.

"You know me when no one is looking and life isn't working.

You see me - ALL of me - and You delight in me.

You remind me that the pain, the darkness

creates a vacuum for MORE - - -

a hunger, a thirst to live, to be alive."

Why am I not as hungry when things are "good,"

when life is right and easy and not as mysterious?

You exert no pressure.

You are no authoritarian coach yelling blasphemies from the sidelines.

Your process [RTR] is alive with mercy and grace and forgiveness.

My answers lie solely in You.

Today,

I am NOT forgotten.

He is here - Immanuel - very near - God with me.

And He is good, is goodness itself.

Yes, I am weak, but His grace isn't.

His wings overshadow me ALWAYS.

Finally, I admit the anxiety.

"Am I enough?

Do I displease or annoy as I so often do others, 

especially those I love or desire to love?

Faintly He whispers,

"YOU ARE MY DELIGHT."

To a hungry soul,

even the bitter is sweet. [Proverbs 27: 7]

Hope exists in this lonely land. [Psalm 27: 13]

I have found Life and Love in barren places.

Today, I rest in Your delight.