Monday, April 17, 2017


Someone asked me recently if I knew what her name meant. I didn't, but I found out. Guess what? Her name's meaning described her character perfectly. Was I surprised? No. Why? Our God who just happens to be THE Creator of the universe is awesome. He IS sovereign. His will WILL be done. Period!

This someone just happened to have had parents who were anything but saints. In fact, they were just downright heathens. Yet, they named their daughter what they did, and that name revealed the will of God for this person. She has become her name. Her name was and is her destiny. Coincidence? No way. More like the sovereignty of God.

After sixty some odd years of living, I've seen this happen over and over and over again. It is almost like He whispers into the ears of unsuspecting parents the names of their children, and then they unknowingly cooperate with Him and name their children with His choices. His hands are always at work.

So, at our naming and even before, God begins to write a new, amazingly beautiful story entitled our name. We become His gift to the world even before we know Him.

All of us begin as little lost sheep, and then He like the good Shepherd that He is sets out to rescue each of us. Some of us want to be rescued; unfortunately, some of us don't. However, that does not stop Him from trying. We can run, kick, hide, and scream, yet He is ever present trying to rescue us and draw us unto Himself. Once rescued, He begins the process of polishing His treasure - us. He declares that we will sparkle in His hands like a jewel in a crown. (Zachariah 9:16)

So today, I declare that YOU ARE AMAZING! We are all amazing because He is amazing, and He loves us with an amazing, unfailing, everlasting love. 

Yes, you may not see Him or feel Him, but that does not mean that He isn't there working and loving. One of my favorite writers, Amy Carmichael, says that some people look at something for a second and see nothing and then walk away.  Others
glance for a couple of seconds, see something, say something like "Amazing!" or "Wow!" or "How Beautiful!" but then are attracted by other things and also walk away. They saw a little more than the first people, but not much.

It is only as we look and look and look and look and look . . . that we REALLY see. The more we look for Him and at Him, the more we will see and the more we will love Him and the more we will experience His goodness and His beauty in this land.

Be encouraged! He is there and He loves you with an amazing love.

May you seek Him every day,
believe everything He says,
trust Him always,
hear His whispers and obey,
and love everyone He sends your  way.

Keep looking.
Keep loving.
Keep seeking.
Believe it all.

You are amazing, and your story is amazing all because He is amazing and loves you with His amazing love.

Sunday, April 2, 2017


Pieces of me feel cold, wordless, lonely.

People are often difficult and misunderstand.
They hear but do not listen,
observe but remain blind,
are here but are not present.
Today moves them -
no thought of the future, of the pain they cause.

Dreams and goals lie in a heap of rubble
discarded because life happened -
yesterday's ideas no longer fresh, no longer viable.

Old hurts re-wound over and over.
So many scars.
Betrayal, jealousy, unkind judgments/words
not to mention physical pain and loss.
Scars can hurt, you know?

Silence is all that is left.

You, O God, take my silence and make it into song.
Your presence, Your light melt my icy heart.
Your love drives away the loneliness.

By day, Your love, Your light.
By night, Your song, Your peace.
Through it all, the joy of Your presence.

I move but one little lit step at a time.
I pledge no steps beyond what I know, what I can see.

When the negative invades my space,
I must pause and look up.
Pause and praise.
Survival demands this.
Oh, for a heart trained to look up in the midst of it all.

My God, with His lovingkindness, WILL MEET ME.
Never lost, never forgotten.
His goodness in this land.


The above picture is entitled Accusing Man - Inner Self. I chose this image because it is my disclaimer (as if I needed one) for this post.

I am in no way pointing my finger in this post at anyone other than myself, but if the shoe fits, you know the drill.

I am just as broken and messed up as everyone else in this old world. In fact, most days I feel like I am the perfect "Romans" individual; I do what I don't want to do and don't do what I do want to do.

So please don't think that I am pointing my finger at "you." That finger is pointed at me.

During Lent, many individuals give up a certain thing/things as a way to honor Christ, to prove their devotion to Him and to others, to thank Him for His blood, sweat, tears, and love. Upon coming out of Lent, most of these individuals resume those practices immediately.

Someone asked my husband recently to guess what he had given up for Lent. "Beer." Bingo! What was the first thing he was going to do after Lent? Guess!

I stopped giving up things during Lent at about the same time I stopped making New Year's resolutions. After sooooo many years of trying to do these things, they no longer seemed "true" (for me). Why? EVERY DAY OF OUR LIVES SHOULD BE LENT.

Rest assured, I don't live every day as if it is Lent, unfortunately. Also be assured that I am in no way pointing an accusing, judgmental finger at anyone. I am simply sharing what has been on my heart lately.

No one serving as a soldier entangles himself in civilian affairs -
he wants to please his commanding officer . . .
Reflect on what I am saying, for the Lord will give you insight.
2 Timothy 2: 4,6

I have been rereading some really old Amy Carmichael stuff lately, and you guessed it. What I have read has been convicting. In other words, I've been reflecting and repenting. Remember, to repent means to turn around and go in the opposite direction, to change.

God calls us His emissaries. (a person sent on a special mission, usually a diplomatic representative) As His emissaries in this world, we are to be DISENTANGLED.
  • called to be a Nazarite - separated unto Him
  • called to be a Priest - crowned with His glory and light, His purpose, His power and authority
  • called to be a Soldier - engaged in a great campaign, a war (paraphrasing Amy)
We cannot afford to be caught on the hooks of the "little affairs" of this life.

So many different lures are dangled in front of us daily. People expect a lot from us.
Family, friends, community, work, and even we ourselves require much from us. The simple and not-so-simple day-in-day-out duties of each day require a lot from us. In the midst of all of these activities, where is the time to nurture a loving, living, personal daily relationship with the living God of the universe?

Plus, don't we need some down time, some play time, some recreation? I won't list the recreation possibilities for fear of creating enemies, and yes, I do realize that recreation is vital, but maybe we've lost sight of what "day of rest" really means. Are we doing activities that will "re-create" us, make us new again?

Recreation (re-creation) - a pastime that will re-equip us
for future work and not cause a leakage of spiritual power
- Amy Carmichael

Some pastimes can take hold of us. Too much of anything, even a good and harmless thing, is not good for us and unfortunately wastes time.

After the events of my past 15+ years, I am so aware and upset about wasting my time. We've been given only so much time, and none of us know exactly how much we have.

The essence of the Nazarite vow was to abstain from things that, in themselves, were lawful and permissible like having an occasional haircut. Even raisins were a no-no for a Nazarite.

Should not we as God's emissaries "treat the world (not just its corruptions, but its legitimate joys, its privileges and blessings also) as a thing to be touched at a distance." (Ouch, Amy!) Being caught by the world's spirit could cause us to lose our awareness of God's presence with us. "If we feed upon the world's spirit, if it gives us our nourishment, we risk missing out on the heavenly bread sent to feed our souls."

God doesn't forbid these things. He isn't cruel and harsh, isn't a dictator in these matters. It's simply a matter of how much we love Him.

If we love someone, that someone is the most important thing to us. Love isn't just an emotion, a feeling. Love is also action. If we love people, we do things for them, just for them. We make time to spend time with just them. Believe me. I know. My husband has to be the most loving man of all in light of how he has served me over the past 15+ years of one health crisis after another. You wouldn't believe some of the things he has done for me and helped me do for myself.

Should not we, who say that we love Him, set our affections/desires on heavenly things? Should not we voluntarily and gladly (with joy) lay aside the things that charm the world so that "we may be charmed and ravished with the things of heaven." (AC)  

May we ever be wholly devoted to our Lover who died to save us, who gave us His all.

May we ever look upon the world and all its charms with wisdom realizing that there are snares and traps and distractions set to capture our hearts and keep us from our mission and to waste our precious time.

May we ever live as if the world is not our real home.

May we ever move and have our being in a higher kingdom, in reality, ignoring the "mirages" of this world.

May we find our fountains, our satisfaction in Him.

Pray that my remaining years however many or few they may be will be lived in this way.






Friday, March 3, 2017

Rescue Me

I do not understand
for I do what I don't want to do.
What I really want,
I can't find the power to do.
I desire what is good,
but I can't seem to carry it out.
I'm so frustrated,
such a slave to doubt.

Rescue me.
Clean my house.
Let not sin reign in me, Lord.
Wash me now
in Your blood.
Let not sin find a home in me.
Come and rescue me.

The choice is ours now -
righteousness or sin -
slaves to selfishness
or driven by obedience.
Will we choose death,
or will we choose life?
Will we walk in great darkness
or live in His light?

Rescue me.
Clean my house.
Let not sin reign in me, Lord.
Wash me now
in Your blood.
Let not sin find a home in me.
Come and rescue me.

Gotta lotta livin' -
wanna live it for You.

Tuesday, February 21, 2017



Stuck
in the middle
of my dreams
and what actually is -
Reality resides here.

The one true Reality - God -
put me here.
I am where I am.
He is who He is.
This is my destiny,
where I belong.

Though earth is not my home,
I must make it so for a time.
I belong to two worlds -
two sets of needs, duties, joys
hopefully entwined
in THE One who created and sustains it all.

May I receive it ALL
humbly, thankfully,
with a "quiet" heart
like Mary's
who so long ago
responded to Mystery
with,
"Behold, the handmaiden of the Lord.
Spend me as You wish."

Anything?
Yes, Lord -
anything,
anywhere.



John Wimber once said that we were like coins in God's pockets and
that He could spend us as He wished.
May we all learn how to be content with how we are spent.












Friday, February 17, 2017


What Was / What Is To Be

The gulf between
what was and what is to be
is marked by passages
with narrow bridges between

addiction - freedom,
fear - peace,
brokenness - healing,
isolation - intimacy,

despair - hope,
guilt - forgiveness,
mourning - joy,
uselessness - purpose.

Bridges, when crossed,
that bring new life,
new ways of thinking,
a new place to abide.

Must step forward -
no looking back.
Must forsake what was -
embrace the new path.

No more excuses.
No more lies.
No more denial.
Eyes on the prize.

Patiently allowing
God's love to make me whole
and fill me with His light
deep within my soul.

To know Him, to love Him,
to walk with Him always.
Now is the time.
Today is the day.

Thursday, February 16, 2017


Water Into Wine

Recently, someone said something like, "I really don't have anything to offer. I don't sing, and I don't teach. I don't have any special talents. I couldn't possibly do that."

My thoughts? Hmmm . . . . BS! (Sorry!)

God has enabled and empowered ALL of us to do the incredible.

So, what if your offering is just water?
So, what if your offering is just a piece of bread or a cookie?
So what if your offering is a just a hug, a note, a cup of coffee or tea, a kind word, etc.?

These are NOT "little" things. NOTHING offered in Jesus' name and prompted by His love is an ordinary, common, unadorned anything. EVERYTHING given in Love's name is EXTRAORDINARY. Each of these "small" gifts becomes a miracle when offered in the light of His love.  [Read Matthew 25, especially verse 40.]

When we say, "I can't. I really don't have anything I can offer," we're first of all calling God a liar and finally simply quitting. We're giving up . . . without a fight.

NOWHERE in scripture is it okay to give up.

Since God in His mercy has given us this new way [new life],
we never give up . . .
For God, who said, "Let there be light in the darkness,"
has made this light shine in OUR hearts . . .
we are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. (2 Corinthians 4)

The Creator of the universe who gave light to the world and who gave us THE Light of the World has imbedded His light, His love in us to share with everyone we know and meet. 

Who are we to call His gifts insignificant nothings?
Who are we to say we have nothing to give?
We have everything worth anything to give. As He offered Himself completely, we too should freely offer ourselves.

I encourage myself and you today: LET YOUR LIGHT SHINE! Let Him take your water and turn it into wine. Don't let fear keep you from serving. Yes, behind every one of those "I can'ts" stands FEAR. Fear is not of God; Faith is of God.

In 2 Corinthians 4 (read the whole chapter -  really good), Paul quotes Psalm 116:10: I believed in God, so I spoke.

Believe today and speak.
Believe today and shine.
Believe today and offer your whatevers.
I believe your whatevers will become miracles for those around you.
Couldn't we all use a miracle?

Say not you cannot gladden, elevate, and set free;
that you have nothing of the grace of influence;
that all you have to give is at the most only common bread and water.
Give yourself to your Lord for the service of men with what you have.
Cannot He change water into wine?
Cannot He make stammering words to be instinct with saving power?
Cannot He change trembling efforts of help into deeds of strength?
Cannot He still, as of old, enable you in all your personal poverty
"to make many rich"? 
God has need of thee for the service of thy fellow men.
He has a work for thee to do.
To find out what it is, and then to do it,
is at once thy supremist duty and thy highest wisdom.
"Whatsoever He saith unto you, do it."
~Canon George Body, circa 1840


WHAT'S IN YOUR WALLET?





Wednesday, February 15, 2017


I hesitate to post this, but I have to.

So many of my friends and acquaintances had loved ones who died last year.  This year isn't starting off much better.

When I was first diagnosed with cancer in 2002 and in the two years thereafter, I received soooooo many cards and phone calls and visits and flowers and meals and offers of help with all kinds of things like housecleaning and yard work. However, many times I found myself in  "worse" shape afterwards than I was before all because the "well" sometimes do not know how to interact with the "ill." Sometimes they say some incredibly insensitive things that get the marbles rolling for hours. Have you ever tried to corral those beasties and stuff them back where they belong? You have, haven't you? Not fun. 

I sincerely thank God for and ask His blessings on everyone who tried to or did help me and my family during this time.

One of my most memorable cards was one that simply said, "This sucks!" Pardon if that language offends. This card and the person who sent it brought a smile to my face and light to my day.  It said exactly what I wanted, no needed to hear. I still have that card today.

Yes, the "well" sometimes don't know how to handle the "ill." Neither do those who haven't lost a loved one know how to interact with the "grieving."

Illness and death change us. Life is never the same afterwards. One doesn't simply get back to his old self because part of himself is gone - for good.

Thus, I post the following today. Maybe the information here will help eliminate the awkwardness that often arises when confronted with someone who is grieving (or recovering from an illness). A friend of mine who lost a loved one last year shared this with me so that I could share it with others.

My Wish List
(author unknown)

I wish you would not be afraid to speak my loved one's name. They lived and were important, and I need to hear their name.

If I cry and get emotional if we talk about my loved one, I wish you knew that it isn't because you hurt me: The fact they died causes my tears. You have allowed me to cry, and I thank you. Crying and emotional outbursts are healing.

I will have emotional highs and lows, ups and downs. I wish you wouldn't think that if I have a good cry my grief is all over or that if I have a bad day I need psychiatric counseling.

Being bereaved is not contagious, so I wish you wouldn't stay away from me.

I wish you knew all the crazy grief reactions that I am having are in fact very normal. Depression, anger, fear, hopelessness, and questioning of values and beliefs are to be expected following a death.

I wish you wouldn't expect my grief to be over in 6 months. The first few years are going to be exceedingly traumatic for me.

I wish you understood the physical reaction to grief. I may gain weight, lose weight, sleep all the time or not at all, develop a host of illnesses, and be accident prone - all of which are related to my grief.

My loved one's birthday, the anniversary of their death, and the holidays can be terrible times for us. I wish you could tell me that you are thinking of us on these days. And if I get quiet and withdrawn, just know that I am thinking about my loved one and don't try to coerce me into being cheerful.

I wish you wouldn't offer to take me out for a drink or to a party.
This is just a temporary crutch, and the only way I can get through this grief is to experience it.  I have to hurt before I can heal.

I wish you understood that grief changes people. I am not the same person I was before my beloved died, and I will never be that person again. If you keep waiting for me to get back to my old self, you will stay frustrated. I am a new creature with new thoughts, dreams, aspirations, values, and beliefs. Please try to get to know this different me. I'm the one who'll be here from now on.

_______________________________________________________

Rivendell Resources grants anyone the right to reprint this information without request for compensation so long as the copy is not used for profit and so long as the paragraph is reprinted in its entirety.


Again, I thank everyone who has loved me through everything the last fifteen years. I appreciate each of you and pray God's very best for you and yours. I also thank my friend who sent this to me because the last thing I want to do is be awkward around or say anything insensitive to you or to any of my friends who are currently grieving. I do not want to be the one who looses their marbles - though I will help them pick them up.



   
    


Tuesday, February 14, 2017


Often have I struggled with what the Lord would have me "do," especially so throughout the last fifteen years when my ability "to do" and my mobility have been compromised by various things like cancer, degenerating body parts, physical pain, aging, and even a near-death experience. Today, even the simplest tasks wipe me out.

I confess. I constantly wrestle with guilt and shame and feelings of uselessness because I can no longer accomplish what I once could.

I know. I know - these are unreasonable burdens, deceptive opponents. Yet, I wrestle - maybe not as much.

We all wrestle with what God's will is for us. "What has He called me to do?"

While doing some research early this morning, I ran across an interesting passage in John (NLT) which describes Jesus just a few hours before He was betrayed.

He had loved His disciples during His ministry on earth,
and now He loved them to the very end. (13:1)

Another translation says that He showed them the full extent of His love.

What did He "do" this night to demonstrate this mindboggling love?
  • He washed feet.
  • He broke bread.
  • He poured out wine.
  • He taught.
  • He prayed.
He chose this night of all nights to wash His disciples' feet. Most people wore sandals back in Jesus' day, so feet got tremendously dirty. Most people today don't enjoy handling someone's dirty, stinky, sweaty, crusty feet. Yet, Jesus ignored the dirt and grime and washed their feet.

Imagine their amazement. I believe it was Peter who said something like, "No, Lord." See, this was a job that one's servants did for the family and for guests. Jesus replied with something like, "If not, you have no part with me, i.e. you're not my friend." Peter quickly changed his tune: "Lord, not just my feet but all of me."

Jesus had probably broken bread and poured wine before tonight, but on this night he spoke about the bread and the wine as never before. "This is My body, broken for you . . . This is My blood poured out for you." He basically told them that He was about to die. They didn't pick up on that. He had been trying to prepare them for His death for a while, but they lived as if He would always be with them.

Finally, He taught them and prayed for them and  for all who would follow Him in the future. Yet again, they did not understand His words.

What He was really doing in these simple acts was painting a picture of how we should live. He was, is our Divine Example. Our call is to follow in His steps, to live as He lived, to do as He did, to love as He loved.

These do's are His will for our lives.
  • To love, to serve regardless of the filth out of a love for Him.
  • To be broken bread and poured out wine for others - The wisdom we learn from our life experiences can encourage and strengthen others. The light He has given us can bring healing and strength and hope and a willingness to persevere. (This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine.)
  • To love the Body of Christ (the church) enough to participate fully in its life, to be one with Him as He is one with His Father, to share His truth, and to pray for  all.
These actions remind me of the Old Testament call.

He has shown you, O man,
what is good and what the Lord requires of Thee.
To do justly,
To love mercy,
To walk humbly with our God. (Micah 6:8)

As I grow older, the more I realize that our call is really a simple one: To love Him with everything we are and have and to love others likewise - to love as Jesus did - "to the very end". May I remember this the next time I'm tempted to wrestle with what the Lord wants me to "do" because Jesus has already shown me what I am supposed to do and how I'm supposed to love. 


Thursday, February 2, 2017


Give me a heart
set like flint on Thee.
Wherever I go,
may Thy beauty I see.

Thank you for family,
the joy they bring.
Comfort, companionship -
their offerings.

Build my houses.
Lay down every stone.
May Your heartbeat be the central tick
of all my desires and plans alone.

Tear down those houses
constructed exclusively by me.
Replace them with structures
secured only in Thee.

This, O Lord, is my prayer today.
My life is in Your hands.
Having done all that I know to do,
Let me stand. Let me stand. Let me stand. 

Wednesday, February 1, 2017


Complain, Complain, Complain

I hate making New Year's resolutions, so I don't. They're just broken promises. Familiar with the drill?

I'm awesome at keeping promises to others, but I suck at keeping promises to myself.

Any who, if I were to make resolutions other than those made to God, mine would be to be more thankful, to be more generous, to be more loving, and to be more content and not complain.

You might ask: "Why be more content and not complain? Doesn't everyone complain? Isn't complaining the nature of our beast?"

Yes, but why complain if complaining only makes us more miserable?

Lately, I've noticed that I've been complaining too much. 
  • When I complain, I'm NOT trusting God.
  • When I complain, I feel like I KNOW best what I need instead of believing in His love and providence.
  • When I complain, I am NOT thankful for what I do have; I'm just concentrating on what I don't have.
  • When I complain, I am doing something that god HATES. (Check out the first five books of the Bible . . . and all those afterwards.)
I of all people should not be complaining.
  • Just a mere fifteen months ago, this woman was dead . . . almost . . . literally.
  • Just a mere year ago, this woman could croak only a note or two. We're talking bullfrog singing on a lily pad. Truly! I sang low notes I've never ever sung before.
  • The past few years, my trusty cane and/or walker have been my constant companions.
  • For the past fifteen years, I've faced cancer three times among other ailments.
No, I have NOTHING to complain about.  I AM ALIVE. MY THROAT IS HEALED. I CAN WALK AGAIN. I AM CANCER FREE. AND I MADE IT THROUGH ALL THE OTHER STUFF. Thank you, Jesus!!!!!!!!!!!

I also have a home, a paycheck, a vehicle, food to eat, and a wonderful family who didn't abandon me throughout all of this. I have at least ten or fifteen people, maybe more, whom I call TRUE friends. On top of all of that, THE GOD OF THE UNIVERSE LOVES ME!

Unfortunately, life happens, but in the midst of life happening, I don't have to make myself more miserable by complaining. In the midst of it all, those Everlasting Arms cradle me unless I'm a wiggle worm and constantly wriggle myself right off of His lap.

Paul reminds us in 1 Corinthians 10: 5+ that God's displeasure with His people was because of their complaining, grumbling, and discontent.
These things happened as a warning to us,
so that we would not crave [lust after] things as they did
or worship idols as some of them did . . .
Don't grumble.

I'm rereading Elisabeth Elliot's Keep a Quiet Heart. Amy Carmichael, a missionary to India who was bedridden and crippled for the later part of her life yet did not neglect her call, influenced Elisabeth and her husband Jim, also a missionary to South America who was murdered by the very people he sought to save. Elisabeth later returned to this tribe and ministered to them.

Elliot reminded me this week that the things we complain about just may be the "instruments whereby the Potter intends to shape His clay into the image of His Son." Amy Carmichael would say, "See in this a chance to die." In other words, be content in the blessed assurance of the goodness and faithfulness and mercy of God. His goodness and His mercy DO follow us all the days of our lives.

So, I leave you with a summary of Elisabeth's list of "Several Ways to Make Yourself Miserable" in hopes that I will strive to achieve my goal of not complaining. Life is what it is.
I have a choice: peace or misery.
  • Count your troubles. Name them one by one over and over and over again.
  • Worry every day. Don't get out of practice. It might burn a few calories.
  • Have a pity party. If you pity yourself, no one else will have to.
  • Try to serve both God and man.
  • Find out what the Joneses [not aimed at Jimmy and Jaimie] are buying and where they are going. Try to outdo them even if it gets you deeper in debt.
  • Stay away from absolutes [truths]. What's right for you is all that matters. Be and individual. Be independent. Don't be stressed over what others expect of you.
  • Make sure to protect your rights. Never think about other people's rights. You have your life; they have theirs.
  • Don't fall into a compassion trap where people can disappoint you and take advantage of your generosity. If you get too involved in another's troubles, you might neglect your own.
  • Don't let Bible reading, church going, and prayer get in the way of what's really important - TV, news, gaming, sleep. Invisible things are eternal. Stick with the visible ones.
If we do these things, our hearts will be anything but "quiet" this year.

May the peace of God rest on us all.



Thursday, January 19, 2017


To Do or not To Do

Recently, I had an unpleasant dream about one of my neighbors. Usually when this happens, I pray for the person. However, this time I awakened with another friend on my mind. I did pray for my neighbor, but I prayed more for my friend. 

I wrestled with whether to tell my friend about the dream. Normally, I would quickly tell the person, but this time I hesitated because my friend has had a terribly hard year.

2016 was an unusually hard year on most of my friends and neighbors. The year began with a cousin losing an early thirty-something. Then another friend lost a sister and later in the year a nephew, another lost an early twenty-something, and a week later a neighbor in her early sixties lost an early thirty-something who left behind a beautiful four-year-old whom she is now raising. I was there when that child was born and watched her grow up. Then a week later, another neighbor of mine lost her husband of 45+ years who just dropped dead in their home one night.  Later the same year, this same neighbor buried her mother. The list continues along with bankruptcy, other financial and inheritance woes, strange sicknesses, etc. 

Watching my friends and neighbors cope with grief and other assorted problems has been heart wrenching. Each one has faced multiple issues and is coping in his/her own unique way. I've shed and wiped away a lot of tears this past year. 

Thus, my hesitation in contacting my friend about the dream and the prayer and "vision" I had afterwards. I didn't even send this friend a Christmas card because sending one felt "inappropriate." 

I questioned my soul: "Was the dream just part of the intercessory process?" or "Is this something God wants me to share?" God knows I've had many "Job-ish-like" friends who have come to me with many words that made me feel worse instead of better over the past fifteen years. The unsick and the ungrieving just do not know what to say to the sick and the grieving. I did not and do not want to do that to anyone, especially my friends.

Thus, my delimma. God has not let this dream go. Every day in over nine days, I have awakened with that face in front of me. Every day in over nine days, I have been forced through many different circumstances to remember this particular friend. 

I guess - no, I know what I need to do. I need to write that letter and have already begun to craft it. Please pray that I won't be a friend like Job's.

All of that to say this: Every day we are faced with choices which determine whether we are disciples or deserters. These choices are the nature of His call - to obey or not to obey. Often the words He speaks or the deeds He asks us to do aren't pleasant. Really, it's always been this way. 

Check out John 6. Jesus has been performing miracles - feeding 5,000, walking on water, healing, etc. He faces the crowd and reads their mail: "You want to be with me because I fed you, not because you understand the miracles (basically, you don't understand who I am). Don't spend your time chasing the perishables like food; spend your energy seeking the life that I can give you." 

Later, he says a hard thing. "I am the living bread that came down from heaven . . . Unless you eat my flesh and drink my blood, you cannot have eternal life within you . . . My flesh is true food, and my blood is true drink. Anyone who feeds on me will live because of me."

The crowd's answer: "Say what? Eat his flesh and drink his blood? I don't think so." 

His disciples: "This is very hard to understand. How can anyone accept it?" Sooooo, many turned away and deserted Him.

Jesus asked the twelve who remained: "Are you also going to leave?"

When these hard choices come, and they will most certainly come, what will be our response this year? Will we flee or fight to complete what's been asked of us? I hope, I pray that my response this year will be with quicker feet than I had last year.  I do not want to be a deserter. I do not want to waste precious time deciding to obey.

We have to settle in our hearts BEFORE the hard choices come one, that we will follow and complete the task; two, that we won't be offended by what's been asked of us; finally, that we will believe in Him and in His call in spite of the strangeness and the mystery of it all.

We cannot pick and choose what we will or won't believe. Our only choices are to believe or don't.

My prayer is that we will take the step whether we understand or not and take it quickly, not wasting time. I pray that we will set our hearts to believe knowing that we may never understand this side of eternity.

To eat His flesh and to drink His blood is His call to us, a call that makes Him and His words to us our very life.

May we, like Peter, answer Him with, "Lord, to whom would we go? You have the words that give life. We believe and know You are the Holy Son of God." 

By the way, the letter is in the mail.     

Monday, January 16, 2017


Seeds

How rocky is your soil?
How blind, your eyes?
How deaf, your ears?
How hardened, your heart?
How cluttered, your mind?

Maybe you heard
but did not understand;
thus, the treasured seed was stolen.

Or maybe you heard
and even rejoiced
yet had no foundation
for truth to stick;
thus, the winds of problems,
changes, and persecutions
blew the precious seed away.

Or maybe you heard,
but life happened -
its worries and schemes
hatching only barrenness.

Oh, to have a heart
full of the loam
of belief and understanding,
a rich soil
ready for planting,
a heart awaiting
a plentiful harvest
from divine seed.

Prepare the soil.
Remove all impediments.
Plant the seed.

(My New Year's prayer for 2017)